a conservative heretic commenting on hypocrisy and stupidity in a world with too much of both
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Humour

Willie’s right “It’s All Going To Pot”

“Well, it’s all going to pot
Whether we like it or not
Best I can tell
The world’s gone to hell
And we’re sure gonna miss it a lot”
Willie Nelson

marijuana_26The world is going to pot, my friends. Reefer madness is upon us now that governments have finally discovered the benefits of marijuana. I’m not referring to the medicinal benefits; governments have ignored those for decades and squandered a few billion taxpayer dollars chasing stoners in the process. No sir! I’m talking about the only two benefits that could motivate and inspire government to act; indeed the only two things at which government is truly accomplished – taxation and regulation.

Back in March 2012, I wrote a post warning of the changes that would come with the legalization of Mother Nature but despite the fact that it was the most widely shared and read post I have written to date – my warning went largely unheeded. Now it is upon us and it is too late to turn back.

Canada is about to legalize marijuana and this is what I think will happen as a result. It’s a situation so serious, even Hell’s Angels are protesting legalization if only because it will cut into their market share and profits. Continue reading

Did They Ban Egg Rolls Too?

Once again, Communism rears its ugly head to show just how repressive it is. It is pure evil as The People’s Republic of China has again demonstrated. China has outlawed strippers at funerals.

The heartless bastards!

It seems that many in rural China had started hiring exotic dancers to entertain at funerals or as one person put it, “to add to the fun” of the occasion. It was obviously a natural extension of traditional folk dancing.

I admit that when I first heard this I was both surprised and not just a little impressed that China actually had strippers. You just automatically assume that it would have been one of the first things on the Mao Top 40 hit list. But after my initial reaction subsided, I saw this for what it is – naked repression. Continue reading

For Goodness Snakes!

I don’t care much for snakes although I’m not really afraid of them unless, of course, they have big gnarly teeth, have a reall bad attitude or are longer than my arm. Then, I confess, I become a tad apprehensive but I have a growing sense that we’re all going to have to get used to snakes more than ever before.

Goodness snakes; they’re everywhere these days – even in the news.

So many people have released their Burmese and African Rock pythons in Florida that the Department of Wildlife has given up trying to eradicatesnake 2 them all. Those little buggers have settled in quite nicely and are breeding like bunnies. The Burmese python has aclimatized in the Everglades while the African Rock python, which is more of an up-town kind of snake has settled in around Miami. No doubt because of the Mai Tais and Latin music. Continue reading

The Kids are Alright

Maggie and I refer to our two dogs as ‘The Kids’. This is not an attempt to humanize them – they’re dogs. It’s simply the acceptance of the fact that regardless of their age, when they’re not eating, pooping or sleeping they behave like a couple of 8-year olds with a sugar high.

Tanya is a five-year old purebred registered German Shepherd and Jasper is an eleven-year old purebred Springer Spaniel. They’re both smart enough and certainly a lot smarter than many of our political leaders but they have the emotional maturity of adolescent teenage girls with an attitude and a new iPhone.

“Whatever!”

I’m a big believer in the pack theory about dogs. They look on whatever family group they’re a part of as a pack – their pack. Breed, gender, political ideology; even species doesn’t matter. The pack is the pack and their affection and loyalty is to the pack. If you’re lucky; they look on you as pack leader.

On second thought, maybe they’re not as smart as I thought they were.

That’s all well and good and we do practice ‘pack theory’ of sorts but the problem with it is that every now and then, The Kids get thinking that while you may be the boss (or the Alpha male as dog trainers like to refer to it), you’re just like them or they’re just like you. That doesn’t mean they forment revolution and an overthrow of the status quo, it means they get thinking that how they do things is how we do things and that, my friends, ain’t how life is. Continue reading

Oh Crap!

“Some people are so positive, that when they slip in dog poop, they pirouette”
Josh Stern

 

I’m not one of those people. I hate crap!

I don’t mean that I’m uncomfortable around it, I mean I hate it. It makes me gag to the point where I can barely breathe and I’m in serious jeopardy of tossing my last meal all over the walls.

Crap has many names: meadow muffin, shit, guano, cow flop, turd but no matter what it’s called – I hate it. I don’t even like my own crap if the truth be told.

It was all I could do when my daughter was a baby to change a diaper.

My wife and I agreed to take turns changing diapers – a kind of disgusting form of Russian roulette. If you were lucky, when it was your turn the baby had just peed. If the stars were not aligned in your favour, the diaper was filled with some kind of toxic waste that the Nuclear Regulatory Agency wouldn’t touch.

There is nothing more disgusting on God’s earth than the green, quasi-liquid, smoking mess that comes out of a nine-month old baby.

The first time I was confronted with a dirty diaper, I gagged so much that I was in serious danger of projectile vomiting on my daughter laying on the basinet in front of me. My wife had to bail me – and our daughter out of danger by finishing the job. The next time it was my turn, we were in the living room and my wife smiled evilly and said, “It’s your turn and it’s vile!

But I was prepared this time. Continue reading

Returning

hopeI took a bit of break from the daily grind of writing posts partly because I just got really busy with a number of other things including a stupid amount of landscaping. I wish Maggie would whack me on the back of the head when I dream up these projects. You would think she would be eager to whack me considering she usually gets roped into doing a lot of lugging and mulching.

She’s a good soul is our Maggie.

I took a break because this year had a somewhat rough start with four deaths in the family over a few weeks in January and early February. These were people I have known and cared about all of my life and the loss of them made for a bitter spring. I needed some time to contemplate things and I came to the realization that my family has been too busy to stay in touch the way all our parents kept us in touch as we were growing up.

So. . .I decided to organize a family reunion and invited some 80 people from newborns to a few in their 80s. Because Maggie and I are hosting it here at the ranch, it’s been a lot of work preparing for the onslaught but it has been worth it. The response by the family has been a little overwhelming and people,  some of us haven’t seen or talked to in a very long time are coming; some from great distances, to reconnect with each other.

The other reason I needed a break was because I had lost my sense of humour and was becoming just one more angry voice in the discordant choir that has replaced civil discussion and thoughtful debate in this brave new world. We spend more time choosing sides, assigning blame and arguing about who’s right or wrong than we do trying to find solutions to our common problems. It’s as if we see life as just one big sports event and all we do is cheer and jeer. I wanted to take some time to reasses what I believe in and what is important to me.

Family stood out as the most important thing to me and my great regret is that it took the deaths of four people to remind me of that.

I’m ready to get back to it now, or more accurately, as soon as the reunion is over this weekend so I will start posting again on August 4th. There’s a lot going on in the world, much of it dangerous and too much of the west’s response has been weak, foolish and remarkably uninformed. Too many innocent people, especially children, are being slaughtered in places like Syria, Libya, Afghanistan, Ukraine, Iraq, Israel, Egypt and Pakistan and I can’t help but think of the devastation that has been brought to all those families….those innocent families just like mine…. as a result. I also couldn’t help but wonder if we would be as arrogant in our assumptions about who is to blame or what should be done if it was our families being slaughtered. It’s the 21st Century but we don’t seem to have learned very much for all of our technological sophistication.

But we can talk about that next week.  Until then, hope for the best for this savaged world and I’ll hope to see you next Monday.

Bear

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© 2014 Maggie’s Bear

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Twitter: @maggsbear – Facebook: Maggie’s Bear – ivmaki@sympatico.ca

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