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Vaginas and Frilly Dillies

There was a pro-life demonstration on Parliament Hill yesterday which drew the usual accompanying pro-abortion counter-demonstration. Sometimes I believe that the two groups are actually joined at the hip and are like opposite sides of the same coin. One couldn’t exist without the other.

It was all the usual stuff but one thing I will say about the pro-abortion side is that some of its members really know how to spice it up a bit. A couple of the demonstrators decided that the best way to stand up for what they see as women’s rights was to go topless and use their breasts to make their point.

I don’t mind admitting that I’m happy to encourage women on both sides of the issue to feel at liberty to promote the cause with bared breasts. I’m very egalitarian that way – or is it shallow?

The bared breasts were only a momentary distraction for me – I had forgotten my glasses so everything was kind of fuzzy. What really caught my attention was the message one of them was delivering.

“Stay out of my vagina!”

That confused me on a number of levels. First, it really isn’t about the vagina is it? Isn’t it about the uterus? The vagina is merely the route traveled to break free so to speak. It’s the uterus that is actually the starting point or destination depending on your objective I suppose. But then, I guess “Stay out of my uterus!” doesn’t quite have the same snappy ring to it as ‘Stay out of my vagina!”

I asked a young friend of mine if he had come from a uterus or vagina and he replied,

“You mean Vagina, Saskatchewan?”

He’s clearly a product of a Canadian educational system. Even though I believe life begins at conception and am pro-life, I admit that there are some people walking around who are just so stupid, they’re like a walking advertisement for the benefits of abortion.

Nature has a way of taking care of the feeble-minded. On the Serengeti, the stupid are pushed out to the edge of the herd where the lions can get them and in that way, Nature culls the weak-minded to keep the herd strong and healthy. Humans don’t do that. Instead we elevate and elect them to positions of importance and I believe it may well be passed time to cull the herd.

But I digress.

Simultaneously to the protesting table dance show on Parliament Hill, Liberal Leader Justin Trudeau announced that all future candidates for the Liberal Party must be pro-abortion or prepared to vote pro-abortion if they want to run as Liberal candidates. This brings the Liberal Party to pretty much the same position as the federal New Democrats but to hear some media pundits you would think that it was an attack on the fundamental principles of democracy.

Phew! It’s breathtaking how quickly the trivial can be elevated but then, talk about vaginas and related things does tend to do that – especially to men. Every one of us came into this world through a vagina and most of us have been trying to get back into one every since. It can definitely prejudice your opinions.

Conservatives are now swaggering about because their party is the only one that allows individual candidates to run for election regardless of their position on abortion. Well whoopee-dee-do and Tyler too! I may disagree with Trudeau’s position but I have no issue with his decision. Every organization, including Hell’s Angels,  has eligibility requirements and if we don’t like ’em, we can join another group.  Media pundits are waxing eloquently about Trudeau’s moral hypocrisy for supporting a woman’s right to choose based on the fact that he is Catholic while they ignore the moral hypocrisy of a Christian Prime Minister who is pro-life but refuses to do anything in support of it.

While it is true that a Conservative MP is free to bring forward a private members bill in Parliament in support of restricting abortion; it is equally true that a) private members’ bills almost never get passed and b) the Conservative Party leadership has steadfastly refused to support such bills and lacks the courage to open the issue for a full and frank discussion.

Nothing – not even principle, is permitted to interfere with election prospects and abortion is one of those topics (like the constitution) that this Conservative leadership refuses to touch. It begs the question: why are we supporting a PM who claims to be pro-life but refuses to advance our cause?

I think it must be true; vaginas cloud men’s minds but it appears, not just men’s.

There is a new trend emerging in Canada – cosmetic surgery to beautify the vagina or more accurately, the vulva around the vagina.

I’m not a medical expert and confess that I actually thought that Vulva was a car made in Sweden and willingly admit that almost all my experience with vaginas has been pretty much recreational but there are two issues that come to mind with this new trend.

First, just how ugly does a woman’s naughty bits have to be before they cause men to run screaming in disgust for the door? Personally, I can’t even begin to imagine. Most men (and lesbians for that matter) have never met a vagina they didn’t likes so what’s the point? Are you trying to impress your gynecologist? Don’t waste your time. He or she has seen so many that they all begin to look the same. Your vagina could be hand-painted and walk into the examination room by itself singing “Let Me Entertain You” and chances are your gynecologist isn’t going to notice.

They’re kind of like proctologists in that regard although proctologists actually have more in common with those of us who have to deal with politicians on a daily basis – it’s just one asshole after another.

The other issue is that undergoing surgery simply to change how it looks seems awfully close to female circumcision and haven’t we labeled that as genital mutilation? I think circumcising young girls is barbaric but I can at least understand the cultural and religious traditions that drive it. What drives mutilating your genitals so that they will be prettier?

And prettier to whom? Guys don’t care. If someone is close enough to see your vagina, it’s pretty much guaranteed that they don’t care what it looks like.

It isn’t just women, of course, men seem somewhat pre-occupied with the length of their equipment and many buy into all manner of ridiculous things in order to try and enhance its size. Still, I seriously doubt that you will find too many men going to their doctors and requesting they be circumcised with pinking sheers so that they can have a ‘frilly-dilly’.

At the end of the day, it seems to me that a society where men spend stupid amounts of money on everything from vacuum pumps to pills in order to make their equipment larger and women who are undergoing surgery to enhance the beauty of their vaginas is a society that morally, has pretty much hit rock bottom.

And just to complete the circle of this self-absorbed stupidity; how much do you want to bet that Canada’s Health Care system will soon be paying for this – if it isn’t already.

It’s enough to make you want to move to Vagina, Saskatchewan or at the very least grab your glasses and a lawn chair in time for the next tittie-bar show at a pro-abortion rally.

One final thought: If we ever do get around to culling the herd, we should tell the lions to start with those who have abnormally beautiful vaginas.


© 2014 Maggie’s Bear

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Twitter: @maggsbear – Facebook: Maggie’s Bear – ivmaki@sympatico.ca


  • oldwhiteguy

    good for a chuckle. too bad those involved actually take the hole thing seriously.

    • MaggiesBear

      That was pretty much my point. :-)

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  • Barb Gulka

    Bear! that was very entertaining, especially on a Friday! Thank goodness I have long passed through any of that phase (if I ever was in ‘the phase’) !! It is magical how you linked all those components together! and yes I have to agree, we are a society struggling to figure out ‘what the hell is going on’!! So happy to be a ‘grannie with no expectations!”

    • MaggiesBear

      Thank you Barb