a conservative heretic commenting on hypocrisy and stupidity in a world with too much of both
If you found this post of interest, please share it with your friends.
We no longer accept advertising on this blog. Your donations help us to defray the costs of its operation and are much appreciated.
Stay informed

Follow the Bear - Subscribe today


Road Trip – Day 2: Hot Tubs and World Peace!

It’s Day 2 of the big road trip and we were up at the crack of mid-morning which kind of surprised me. I can sleep through a nuclear war but usually Maggie wakes up with the birds – especially if the flock is heading to the mall and that’s where we were heading today.

Because it was well-after eight when we hauled butt out of bed, we had our showers and packed but opted to skip the hotel’s delightfully over-cooked breakfast and hit the road. It is a road trip after all and you can’t do a road trip effectively sitting around on your ass.

Dressed, packed, Jasper watered and then emptied, we hit the road and headed for the border between the land of maple syrup and the great and wonderful Oz where premium brand outlet malls are scattered across the landscape like Munchkins along the Yellow Brick Road. We had gassed up the car the night before so we only stopped long enough to fuel up at Tim Horton’s with a couple of large coffees and a nutritional muffin for the Maggster and a couple of plain doughnuts for me.

The original plan was to drive to Niagara Falls and cross into La La Land via the Rainbow Bridge. That seemed not only to be the most direct route but kind of appropriate for making the transition from the Great Bland North to OZ.

Maggie, however, suggested she knew a better way.

Now – y’all need to understand that I love this woman to death. I really do. Quite frankly, my life wouldn’t be worth living without her – but and there is always a but – Maggie’s contributions to changes in plan are more good intentions than good practice.

We got to the border, taking the route she suggested. I say got to the border in a very generous use of the term. We got to within about ½ a kilometer of the border and then came to a complete stand still along with about 1,000 other explorers and shoppers.

The road leading up the American Immigration check points was under construction.

This was not Maggie’s fault although that knowledge didn’t improve my mood or make me any more patient. We inched forward over the next hour and half; it was more like creeping into the United States than driving.

When we finally got to the checkpoint, the Customs and Immigration Officer took our passports, checked them asked where we were going and told us to enjoy our visit.

That’s it. We were in line for more than an hour for less than thirty seconds of security clearance. I’ve been more thoroughly checked by librarians suspicious that I might be smuggling out a book. It made me wonder what the point is to all this lining up. Clearly it doesn’t serve to increase border security if asking where we’re going is the big question of the day.

I think it’s to provide the illusion of national security. The more the travelling public is inconvenienced, the more government believes we will think, “Wow. These guys are on they ball and really take this stuff seriously!” If that were true, it would certainly help to explain why you can’t do anything with any part of government without having to line up first.

We were in line so long, the check engine light came on and that is never good. I don’t know anything about cars but I’ve learned over the years that the check engine light is usually a sign from God that your ass is grass. Fortunately, it was nothing serious and with a song in our hearts we were soon just whizzing along again.

Ok, I admit I didn’t have song in my heart but at least I was talking to Maggie again.

Three hours later we arrived at the hotel and that, at least, has turned out better than expected.

It’s surrounded by parkland and duck ponds which makes walking Jasper very pleasant although I never walk Jasper so I’m going on an assumption. The room is quite spacious and pleasant and it has an indoor pool.

Maggie took Jasper out to sniff trees and I set up my computer to check that I hadn’t missed anything important since leaving Canada. I hadn’t.

Maggie brought the dog back and then went down to the pool for a swim. I finished what I was doing and went down to the pool area where I had a revelation. It was like a vission from God; as if a voice had spoken to me from the mountain top although that hadn’t really happened – there are no mountain tops where we are. But it was sort of, almost like that.

It was a revelation about world peace and the elimination of hate, violence and discord in our world.

bear and pal

Me and one of the other guests enjoying some down time in the hotel hot tub

Hot tubs!

As I sat there and let the warm water soothe my soul, not to mention my body; I realized that it is virtually impossible to be at war with the world or to hate anyone when you’re in a hot tub..

It got me thinking that instead of sending arms to the rebels in Syria or more fighter jets to the military in Egypt, what we should be doing is sending hot tubs; thousands and thousands of hot tubs.

We could even paraphrase Roosevelt’s ‘chicken in every pot” slogan following the Great Depression with something like, “a hot tub in every pot”. Ok, I admit it needs work but you can see where I’m going with this.

Imagine how the world would be changed if we populated it with hot tubs.

Al Qaeda and Hezbollah would lay down their arms and stop blowing people up. They’d change from being crafty to making crafts and to sell at craft fairs and Christmas markets. Racism and bigotry would be eliminated as people like Gwendolyn Landolt and Camille Paglia donned bikinis to share a bottle of wine in a grotto hot tub.

Barack Obama and Congress would embrace and work together to reduce the deficit. The European Union would stop trying to fix things with solutions that are worse than the original problem and environmentalists would become aware of the fact that the stuff they’re protesting is the stuff that’s fueling their SUVs and all those flights they take to protests around the world.

Prime Minister Stephen Harper would develop a personality and his  Minister for Democratic Reform, Pierre Polievre would stop using the word honourable until he had looked it up in a dictionary and knew what it meant. Justin Trudeau would reconnect with reality – or maybe not – I suppose there are some things that even hot tubs can’t fix.

But I believe they could fix a lot and compared to an F-35 fighter jet, they’re cheap.

We could buy millions of these things and ship them all over the world. Imagine how much better the Israeli/Palestinian peace talks might go if Netanyahu and Abbas were to slip into Speedos and hold their meetings in a diplomatic hot tub.

Canadian Senators would be so reluctant to leave the Senate tubs that the Senate’s travel expenses would plummet exponentially and we’d no longer be filled with angst.

I think it’s time we recognize that the old ways of trying to resolve our problems just aren’t working. Sending weapons to help one side or another in a conflict only guarantees that even more people will die.

More hot tubs would bring peace and harmony to the world;  but let’s be smart about it. Let’s just buy them retail because if we let government procurement offices  handle this they’ll end up costing as much as an F-35 and we’ll be right back where we are now.

Tomorrow – the Premium Outlet Mall followed by as much time in the hotel’s hot tub as I can squeeze in. If you don’t hear from me by tomorrow night, either I’m lost in a mall or drowned in the hot tub.


Road Trip – Day 1


© 2013 Maggie’s Bear

all rights reserved The written content of this article is the sole property of Maggie’s Bear but a link to it may be shared by those who think it may be of interest to others

Let’s connect on Twitter: @maggsbear or send  a  friend request on Facebook to: Maggie’s Bear



  • Pingback: Road Trip: Day 3 - Thoughts Between Kills | A Bear's Rant()

  • Pingback: Road Trip – Day 2: Hot Tubs and World Peace! | Grumpy Opinions()

  • sebanders

    Great idea. But although I really, really, really hate to rain on your parade, it occurred to me that in many of those places that would most desperately benefit from your plan, it would have to “rain” a hell of a lot to fill the tubs. Because, as the “Greens” and other do gooders claim, there is a world shortage of water, and without water, the tub is just a tub.

    But some have suggested that Canada should export water. I hear ka-ching. Plans are already under way for that.

    • MaggiesBear

      Actually, salt water will work quite effectively in a hot tub and we have plenty of that which can be shipped to any country that needs it.

  • Randy

    Hot tubs for peace… interesting thought.
    Hezbollah will most likely insist the women wear burkas
    The free world will insist Gwendolyn and Camille wear one as well.
    Obama will need a teleprompter on his in case he wants to carry a conversation.
    The senators tub may be a messy one as it will need a trough.
    The European’s and environmentalist’s will have to come with a windmill to power
    it, still cheaper than an F-35.
    Israel and Palestine may get in one together but will fight over who owns it.
    And if we can get Harper, Mulcaire, Trudeau and May in a hot tub, I’m thinking
    of the Chinese proverb about a frog and boiling water.
    And isn’t it nice that we can enter another country where they treat you as a
    guest, whereas our border security treats us as criminals-as you noted in a
    previous rant.

    • MaggiesBear

      You’/e got the spirit of the thing already. Hot tubs can accommodate anyone and with very little effort. The government will even make a few bucks with the taxes they collect on the wine that gets consumed.

      And yes, it is a real treat to be in a country where customer service, courtesy and good nature seems to be the order of the day. Everywhere we’ve gone since crossing the border, people have been smiling, courteous with us and each other and the customer service from the smallest store to the largest retailer has been pleasant, helpful and friendly.

      So much for the ‘Ugly American’, I think some Canadians should climb down from their smug horses and take a look in the mirror.