A Canadian Responds to Obama’s Comparison of Canada to the Palestinians
In a speech in the Palestinian Authority, Barack Obama indirectly compared relations between Israel and the Palestinians to that of Canada and the United States which has got more than a few eyes rolling and tongues wagging. I can understand the President trying to come up with an analogy but really – that’s like comparing Mr. Rogers to Ann Coulter.
First and foremost, Canada is not governed by terrorists and our leader isn’t Achmed Harper Head of the notorious international terrorist organization The Conservative Brotherhood. Our Prime Minister’s name is Steve and he is an economist which is a sophisticated way of saying – an accountant who doesn’t know much about math.
We don’t lob rockets across the border into Syracuse NY or Seattle Washington and we don’t send in suicide bombers either. We don’t have suicide bombers – we can’t afford them and it’s a process that doesn’t allow for recycling.
Instead, we flood across the border, Visa and MasterCard’s in hand to hit Target, Wal-Mart and every big box store mall we can find.
Consider it assault with friendly weapons.
I admit that the odd time, a Visa or MasterCard has exploded at the cash during a Black Friday sale at Best Buy but those are accidental and usually the result of an excess of enthusiasm and poor credit management rather than a deliberate terrorist act.
Fortunately, there have been no reported fatalities to date.
We migrate from the frozen north to Florida in winter and we play golf at Myrtle Beach.
We aren’t calling for the destruction of the United States, merely less Michael Moore and Bill Maher and a lot less of The Kardasians. We don’t deny the right of the United States to exist; in fact we encourage them to build more malls, another Disney World closer to the border and a pipeline.
We don’t hate Americans we sometimes admire them and sometimes are annoyed by them depending on our mood on a particular day. If it’s a really bad snowstorm, we tend to be grumpy which makes us somewhat more annoyed.
We get annoyed because sometimes our American friends blame us for all the cold weather they get. We have Doppler radar too and we know that a lot of that cold weather is blown up here from down there although considering all the hot air in Washington D.C., it is surprising it survives long enough to get here.
We don’t like grits, we prefer Beavertails; a big flat hunk of deep fried dough covered in sugar. ( We’re on a bit of a health kick lately.) We’re becoming pretty fond of Big Gulps too, much to New York Mayer Michael Bloomberg’s chagrin but then we don’t like him much more than most Americans. Most Canadians consider him to be an idiot and while we pride ourselves on being a tolerant nation, most of us don’t suffer fools gladly – especially from other countries.
We have more than enough of our own.
Unlike the Palestinians and Israelis, Canada and the United States only ever duked it out once during the War of 1812. We won, they lost and they’ve pretty much gotten over it which I think is quite magnanimous of them. Since then we’ve maintained an uneasy peace no doubt stabilized by Canada’s significant stockpile of muskets from the 1800’s.
When you get right down to it, there isn’t much difference between Americans and Canadians other than the fact that our football is a better game, our hockey players are better and we’re the home of the late, great Stompin’ Tom Connors, Tim Horton’s and, of course, Quebec’s cultural contribution – poutine.
Palestinians could never come up with an artery-clogging bit of cuisine that consists of french fries, gravy and cheese curds. In fact, I doubt anyone but a Canadian would even think of it.
We have a lot of time on our hands during winter.
I admit that American Levis are better (and cheaper too) and so are American movies. God help us but made-in-Canada movies need some work; especially if they were made for television by the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation. But we’ve given the world some pretty impressive cultural talent including Justin Beiber.
Based on this latest pronouncement and some other comments he’s made in the past, I’m beginning to wonder about the President’s mental health. He seems to be lost in a world that doesn’t actually exist.
Canada and the United States don’t always agree on specific issues. When we don’t agree, both sides pout for a bit, then each country sends in people who are more mature to negotiate some kind of an agreement and life goes on.
Israel and The Palestinian State do not have disagreements, they have armed conflict. When they don’t see eye to eye on something – well, anything actually; the Palestinians fire rockets into Israel randomly killing people wherever they land. The Israelis retaliate in self defense and the left around the world calls them terrorists.
See the difference?
It’s not all that complicated. Canadians don’t commit acts of terrorism on the U.S., we shop for bargains and then go home. Palestinians commit acts of terrorism against Israel after they’ve done their shopping. We tend to support the United States when it comes to its stand on countries like Iran, the Palestinians and Iran are buds.
Do you see the difference Mr. President? America and Canada have disagreements. Israel and the Palestinians have armed conflict. Disagreements are when you debate ideas and issues on which you haven’t yet found consensus. Conflict is when people try to kill each other because one side hates the other.
The President seems to think that all that needs to happen is a little diplomacy and all will be well. Ronald Regan, Jimmy Carter, Bill Clinton and George Bush all thought that and actually tried to get permanent peace accords without much success. It’s not because they were necessarily bad presidents, it was because the situation between the Palestinians and Israel is not a simple disagreement. Diplomacy has repeatedly failed and the Pollyanna, sunshine and lollipops rhetoric tossed out by President Obama this week isn’t going to change that.
Personally, I think it’s a bit rich for a president who can’t employ diplomacy to resolve ‘disagreements’ with his own Congress after five years on things like finalizing a budget, gun control and health care should be lecturing anyone, particularly Israel, on using diplomacy to resolve their differences with the Palestinians.
I also think it’s a bit of a stretch to compare Canada/US relations to those of Israel and the Palestinians.
We’re Canadians, a people just struggling along as best we can under the perceived tyranny of the imaginary Achmed Harper and The Conservative Brotherhood which would actually be The Conservative Brother and Sisterhood if the politically correct had anything to say about it.
In the meantime maybe, Mr. President, you could give some consideration to the idea that despite your awesome intellect, there is a real world outside of your head and in that world, Canada is not the Palestinian Authority and The Palestinian Authority is nothing like Canada.
To better help you understand just exactly what Canada is all about, Mr. President, here’s a short video to explain everything you need to know for the next time you decide to talk about us.
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