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A Canadian Responds to Obama’s Comparison of Canada to the Palestinians

images (3)In a speech in the Palestinian Authority, Barack Obama indirectly compared relations between Israel and the Palestinians to that of Canada and the United States which has got more than a few eyes rolling and tongues wagging. I can understand the President trying to come up with an analogy but really – that’s like comparing Mr. Rogers to Ann Coulter.

First and foremost, Canada is not governed by terrorists and our leader isn’t Achmed Harper Head of the notorious international terrorist organization The Conservative Brotherhood. Our Prime Minister’s name is Steve and he is an economist which is a sophisticated way of saying – an accountant who doesn’t know much about math.

We don’t lob rockets across the border into Syracuse NY or Seattle Washington and we don’t send in suicide bombers either. We don’t have suicide bombers – we can’t afford them and it’s a process that doesn’t allow for recycling.

images (5)

Canadians infiltrating American malls with suicide shopping carts

Instead, we flood across the border, Visa and MasterCard’s in hand to hit Target, Wal-Mart and every big box store mall we can find.

Consider it assault with friendly weapons.

I admit that the odd time, a Visa or MasterCard has exploded at the cash during a Black Friday sale at Best Buy but those are accidental and usually the result of an excess of enthusiasm and poor credit management rather than a deliberate terrorist act.

Fortunately, there have been no reported fatalities to date.

We migrate from the frozen north to Florida in winter and we play golf at Myrtle Beach.

We aren’t calling for the destruction of the United States, merely less Michael Moore and Bill Maher and a lot less of The Kardasians. We don’t deny the right of the United States to exist; in fact we encourage them to build more malls, another Disney World closer to the border and a pipeline.

We don’t hate Americans we sometimes admire them and sometimes are annoyed by them depending on our mood on a particular day. If it’s a really bad snowstorm, we tend to be grumpy which makes us somewhat more annoyed.

We get annoyed because sometimes our American friends blame us for all the cold weather they get. We have Doppler radar too and we know that a lot of that cold weather is blown up here from down there although considering all the hot air in Washington D.C., it is surprising it survives long enough to get here.

tumblr_mf3xwbfJHk1riz0kho1_400

Add a Big Gulp and some poutine and you are in Canadian Heaven

We don’t like grits, we prefer Beavertails; a big flat hunk of deep fried dough covered in sugar.  ( We’re on a bit of a health kick lately.) We’re becoming pretty fond of Big Gulps too, much to New York Mayer Michael Bloomberg’s chagrin but then we don’t like him much more than most Americans. Most Canadians consider him to be an idiot and while we pride ourselves on being a tolerant nation, most of us don’t suffer fools gladly – especially from other countries.

We have more than enough of our own.

Unlike the Palestinians and Israelis, Canada and the United States only ever duked it out once during the War of 1812. We won, they lost and they’ve pretty much gotten over it which I think is quite magnanimous of them. Since then we’ve maintained an uneasy peace no doubt stabilized by Canada’s significant stockpile of muskets from the 1800’s.

When you get right down to it, there isn’t much difference between Americans and Canadians other than the fact that our football is a better game, our hockey players are better and we’re the home of the late, great Stompin’ Tom Connors, Tim Horton’s and, of course, Quebec’s cultural contribution – poutine.

Palestinians could never come up with an artery-clogging bit of cuisine that consists of french fries, gravy and cheese curds. In fact, I doubt anyone but a Canadian would even think of it.

We have a lot of time on our hands during winter.

I admit that American Levis are better (and cheaper too) and so are American movies. God help us but made-in-Canada movies need some work; especially if they were made for television by the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation. But we’ve given the world some pretty impressive cultural talent including Justin Beiber.

Based on this latest pronouncement and some other comments he’s made in the past, I’m beginning to wonder about the President’s mental health. He seems to be lost in a world that doesn’t actually exist.

mtl-habs-cp-party

These are Canadians

Canada and the United States don’t always agree on specific issues. When we don’t agree, both sides pout for a bit, then each country sends in people who are more mature to negotiate some kind of an agreement and life goes on.

Israel and The Palestinian State do not have disagreements, they have armed conflict. When they don’t see eye to eye on something – well, anything actually; the Palestinians fire rockets into Israel randomly killing people wherever they land. The Israelis retaliate in self defense and the left around the world calls them terrorists.

See the difference?

It’s not all that complicated. Canadians don’t commit acts of terrorism on the U.S., we shop for bargains and then go home. Palestinians commit acts of terrorism against Israel after they’ve done their shopping. We tend to support the United States when it comes to its stand on countries like Iran, the Palestinians and Iran are buds.

These are Palestinians

These are Palestinians

Do you see the difference Mr. President? America and Canada have disagreements. Israel and the Palestinians have armed conflict. Disagreements are when you debate ideas and issues on which you haven’t yet found consensus. Conflict is when people try to kill each other because one side hates the other.

The President seems to think that all that needs to happen is a little diplomacy and all will be well. Ronald Regan, Jimmy Carter, Bill Clinton and George Bush all thought that and actually tried to get permanent peace accords without much success. It’s not because they were necessarily bad presidents, it was because the situation between the Palestinians and Israel is not a simple disagreement. Diplomacy has repeatedly failed and the Pollyanna, sunshine and lollipops rhetoric tossed out by President Obama this week isn’t going to change that.

Personally, I think it’s a bit rich for a president who can’t employ diplomacy to resolve ‘disagreements’ with his own Congress after five years on things like finalizing a budget, gun control and health care should be lecturing anyone, particularly Israel, on using diplomacy to resolve their differences with the Palestinians.

I also think it’s a bit of a stretch to compare Canada/US relations to those of Israel and the Palestinians.

We’re Canadians, a people just struggling along as best we can under the perceived tyranny of the imaginary Achmed Harper and The Conservative Brotherhood which would actually be The Conservative Brother and Sisterhood if the politically correct had anything to say about it.

In the meantime maybe, Mr. President, you could give some consideration to the idea that despite your awesome intellect, there is a real world outside of your head and in that world, Canada is not the Palestinian Authority and The Palestinian Authority is nothing like Canada.

To better help you understand just exactly what Canada is all about, Mr. President, here’s a short video to explain everything you need to know for the next time you decide to talk about us.

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  • Pingback: Obama uses trip to encourage Palestinians, denounce Israel | Grumpy Opinions()

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  • Edward Campbell

    Great one, Bear! I’m with you 100%.

    • http://abearsrant.com thebear

      We are Canadian. :-)

  • http://twitter.com/charlie981947 Chuck Keil

    you said – Personally, I think it’s a bit rich for a president who can’t find a diplomatic way to resolve ‘disagreements’ with his own Congress after five years on things like finalizing a budget, gun control and health care should be lecturing anyone, particularly Israel, on using diplomacy to resolve their differences with the Palestinians.Read more at http://abearsrant.com/2013/03/barack-obama-compares-canada-to-palestinians-oops.html#oFR76dizg6ZQz3ZE.99

    my contention is that the President has shown that you don’t need a budget when you can use the debt ceiling and a compliant congress to pay for all your projects, that you can implement health care via Obamacare (Pelosi you won’t know what’s in it until you pass it), you can use national security as an excuse for the militarization of the US and that you can make sure that the Muslim Brotherhood controls the middle east. If his personal goal was always the unmaking of America I’d have to say – JOB ACCOMPLISHED.

    Obama has shown that with the help of the press you can fool enough of the people all of the time that there really is a King of the US. Having a front row seat to the end of empire doesn’t happen all the often. Western civilization will never recover from it’s excesses. It’s truly sad that greed and ignorance have won the day.

    • MaggiesBear

      You may be right but I believe that United States is stronger than one man and like Mother Nature, it can recover from excessive abuse after that man is gone and he will be gone in just over three years. I believe that were not seeing the end of an empire but the end of the left’s era of entitlement and mismanagement. We’re in the middle of the transition from that era to more rational societies. It’s a violent transition right now in Canada, Europe and the US.but when the transition finishes, common sense just may return and with it, some prosperity and stability.

  • http://www.facebook.com/nicola.timmerman.1 Nicola Timmerman

    You are funny, but actually I don’t find this funny at all. Honestly is this the worst president of the United States ever, or what?

    • http://abearsrant.com thebear

      It isn’t funny but if you don’t laugh, you’ll break down and cry at the level of insane stupidity around these days.

  • http://twitter.com/1EastwoodingAve lynnD

    LOL and uber kudos to a fabulous response to the President of USA. ( My President-it’s going to be a long four years.) Maybe somewhere a long the line someone will offer him a remedial course in American History. Thanks good neighbor to the north for a great piece of writing. Enjoyed it! Hooted and howled. Lynn from Indy

    • MaggiesBear

      I look at the absurdity of politicians around the world and have come to conclusion that if you don’t laugh – you’ll cry. Thanks for taking the time to read this. I appreciate it.

      • oldwhiteguy

        what is terribly absurd are the people who vote for these morons. i am always amazed that there are so many stupid people in the world.

        • http://abearsrant.com thebear

          The world is sinking into madness led by people who hold uninformed opinions and who cling to failed ideologies like a fat kid clinging to the last Mars bar.

  • http://twitter.com/QRTnurse J Webb

    Great post! Still laughing!

    • MaggiesBear

      Glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for dropping by to read it.

  • http://www.facebook.com/neil.cloutman Arthur Crandon

    Very humorous and enjoyable :-) I went to the US once – I had to go to Canada to get decent chocolate…

    • MaggiesBear

      I like going to the States. The people are great. It’s their politicians that are a bit strange but then, I don’t actually think their politicians are Americans. I think they’re from another planet. Thanks for dropping by and reading the post, I appreciate it.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Robert-Connon/552881180 Robert Connon

        I think the American President is from this planet I still wonder if he is originally from the USA.

        • http://abearsrant.com thebear

          Wherever he’s from, he is definitely not from around here or even nearby.