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Introducing Premier Pauline Marois’ Five-Steps To Irrelevance Program

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“Ooh la la but being irrelevant takes a lot of effort I have a headache”

In the off chance that you were struggling with how to make yourself and whatever it is you believe in less relevant, I suggest you devote some time to studying Quebec Premier Pauline Marois. I don’t think anybody does it better and you’ll learn much from watching her and following her simple but effective Five-Steps To Irrelevance program.

Madam Marois has been in office a mere four months and a bit but has achieved such a high level of irrelevance, she could provide university courses in it. Unlike others who are irrelevant by default, La Reine works hard at it, carefully following the five steps of the program she developed.

She is the consummate professional when it comes to making oneself irrelevant in pretty much all areas in which she is engaged.

These are the five steps in her program and if you practice them daily, you too can achieve a level of irrelevance you never thought possible.

STEP ONE – Develop an overwhelming sense of self-importance and arrogance. While it is important to fawn over political leaders from other countries, be as rude as possible to Canadian politicians and be sure to speak to people like they’re idiots and with as much haughtiness as possible. This is particularly important when speaking to your fellow citizens who do not share the same mother tongue as you do. If your mother tongue is English, for example, then you must be as condescending as possible to those who speak French or other languages. In La Reine’s case, it is the reverse, her mother tongue is French which means therefore that English and the languages of other citizens in her province are irrelevant to her and can be dismissed accordingly.

This is important because it reduces the number of people who might think you are relevant in their lives. The fewer people you have to convince that you are actually irrelevant, the easier it becomes to achieve it.

“Rememer that the application of common sense undermines the achievement of irrelevance!” - Five-steps To Irrelevance

STEP TWO  – It is very important to present yourself as having already accomplished your goal. In Premier Marois’ case, that would be the separation of Quebec from Canada and the establishment of the province as an independent nation.

To achieve this level of transcendental self-delusion, it is very important to ignore reality as much as possible. It is difficult but as the great lady has demonstrated in her short time in office, it can be accomplished if you focus on the trivial, like trying to remove the Canadian flag from the National Assembly, rather than your more serious responsibilities as Premier.

She has admirably sallied forth not as premier but as Queen (La Reine) of her own nation to meet important people in other nations. In her first four months she went to New York to promote doing business in Quebec, where she was treated like a tourist.

Undeterred, she went to Europe and in particular to France, the motherland, where she was also treated pretty much like a tourist and just recently, Scotland.

The purpose of visiting Scotland was to meet with fellow separatists and to provide them with the Partie Quebecois manual on failed sovereignty strategies and referendums.  Nothing establishes your lack of relevance back home like being ignored internationally.

She met with the head of the Scottish Independence movement who subsequently refused a joint press conference and treated her like – well – a tourist. (Do you see how this works? Sharing best practices runs the risk of making you relevant. By sharing your repeated failures you pretty much avoid that possibility)

It was a hat trick of irrelevance that I can’t remember any other Canadian politician ever achieving before.

STEP THREE – This is very important. Learn from what has worked elsewhere, like Scotland, for example. deter you from your cause. Study those moments where you were all but invisible to people who mattered as Mme Marois does and put what you’ve learned into practice. She met recently with Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper in Quebec City but refused his invitation to participate in a joint press conference following the meeting in exactly the same way she had been ignored in Scotland..

Do you see how cleverly she used what she learned in Scotland? Accepting the Prime Minister’s invitation to hold a joint press conference ran the risk of making her relevant. Refusing that invitation guaranteed she wouldn’t be.

It was a brilliant move on her part and the Prime Minister fell into her clever trap. Not realizing that it was her objective, he treated her as irrelevant and held his press conference as planned without her and then left Quebec to attend to people and things that actually were relevant to him.

The woman has so much style and flair, she makes becoming irrelevant look easy despite the effort it takes.

“Stupidity does not guarantee that you will achieve irrelevance although it does help. Do not rely solely on being stupid to achieve becoming irrelevant.” -Five-steps To Irrelevance

STEP FOUR – At all costs, avoid the well-being of your citizens and the fiscal health of your province; be as territorial as you possibly can. Anything, and I do mean anything, that has even a remote appearance of infringing on your jurisdiction is to be haughtily (see Step 1) dismissed and ignored.

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“When I get it right, it makes me feel like dancing – gangsta style”

This means withdrawing from any cooperative arrangements with the premiers of the other provinces where you might be in danger of not only benefiting from shared best practices but of actually making a contribution and therefore, becoming relevant. It is always better to withdraw and refuse to participate as Quebec did when its government refused to sign the repatriated Canadian Constitution in 1982.

Premier Marois has studied her party’s history well and has recently applied those lessons as she withdrew from the Council of the Federation’s Health Care Committee. Despite Saskatchewan Premier Brad Wall’s assertion that the Quebec Premier wasn’t contributing anything and that she was more of a distraction than anything else; La Reine understood that she was in danger of actually accomplishing something worthwhile and, therefore, in serious danger of becoming relevant.

By withdrawing from the Committee, she avoided any possibility of that happening and is successfully beginning to make herself as irrelevant in the rest of Canada as she is in New York, Paris and Edinburgh. That, my friends, takes real skill and is probably more than we can hope to achieve even if we follow her five-step program to the letter.

“Accepting reality is a trap that can lead to relevance. It is to be avoided at all costs!” – Five-steps To Irrelevance

STEP FIVE – Focus on things that are meaningless and which in the long run, you can’t really do anything to prevent. This is working very well for Premier Marois.

She has successfully ignored the fact that 25% ($17 billion) of her annual operating budget comes from federal transfer payments and funding for education and health care.

At a time when her province is going through a serious inquiry into corruption, she is brilliantly ignoring implementation of new regulation to try to prevent more of the same corrupt practices. The province’s  crumbling infrastructure isn’t even on her radar and she has gone out of her way to frustrate the very international and national corporations, that are now suing the government over its highly restrictive language laws. It is important, as Mme Marois has shown, to ignore the fact that these companies provide serious levels of employment and tax revenue which could be jeopardized should some of these companies decide they’ve had enough and simply close up shop and leave the province.

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“Georges! Kindly remove your hand. I told you not to touch me there in public.”

It is particularly important to ignore this when you are in New York pitching American firms to come and invest in Quebec.

A truly brilliant move was to sponsor a pointless study on the state of the French language and culture in both Canada and Quebec. It has been published and contains words like ethnocide which suggests that there is a conscious attempt to eradicate French language and culture, rather than the natural evolution of both in a world where people of different races, cultures, languages and religions inter-marry, inter-connect and inter-mingle.

Ignoring that reality and spending untold amounts of money to try and reverse the natural order of things not only offers the opportunity to become increasingly irrelevant but also to be run over by a natural cultural evolution that is both organic and which has existed for centuries.

When that happens, you not become irrelevant; you pretty much become invisible which is the ultimate achievement for anyone seeking a lack of relevance.

That, my friends, is real accomplishment that takes real talent and focused effort. In less than five months, Mme Marois has made herself irrelevant in New York, Paris and Edinburgh and is now working diligently on becoming completely irrelevant in Canada.

It is definitely something to be admired but once you start the program, don’t be discouraged if you don’t see right away the kind of results Pauline Marois achieves and don’t expect it to be as easy as she makes it appear. She has had years of practice and more than once has stumbled and done something that was relevant but she kept at it and persevered.

To achieve her degree of success, you must be diligent and disciplined. Don’t expect to achieve overnight the level of irrelevance she is establishing for herself, her movement and her province. But if you apply yourself and follow her five-step program religiously, you too can become irrelevant.

Remember, stupidity isn’t always a conscious thing. Some people are just naturally stupid but it takes effort and practice to make yourself irrelevant in the greater scheme of things. So if irrelevance is your goal, try the Pauline Marois Five-step Program. You can do it if you try.

Good luck from all of us here at the Marois Institute for Irrelevance and remember – the only thing holding you back from becoming completely irrelevant is you.

Just ask Pauline Marois.

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© 2013 Maggie’s Bear
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  • Rosemary Grant

    What a great way to wind up a rather unpleasant day! Your little article on
    Madame Marois had me laughing so hard I completely forgot my rather nasty
    back pain.

    I believe that her becoming even more of a laughing stock in just one person’s eyes is yet another proof of her irrelevance.

    Bravo Bear!

    • http://abearsrant.com thebear

      I’m glad you enjoyed it. It’s refreshing to have someone actually get the satire for a change. Thanks for dropping by.

  • Pingback: A Bear’s Rant | Grumpy Opinions

  • Martin

    Marois is the most embarrassing Premier in a long while, but I don’t know to what extent her gaffes are reported by french media; I suspect not as much as in the Toronto papers.

    People of Marois’s vintage have been preparing for independence all their adult lives, and the goal is no closer than in 1970. The law of diminishing returns applies to PQ leaders. Can anyone seriously compare her to Levesque or Bouchard? I cannot imagine Lucien Bouchard going cap in hand to Scotland for a photo op.
    With leaders like Marois, ridicule is the most effective political attack; she richly deserves the buffoon image she has created.

    • John Christopher Tremblay

      Don`t worry. She looks like an idiot as much in French press than in Anglo press ;). We hate her here in Quebec City, everybody voted liberal, some think they`ll move to Ontario or the US. She wanted to be Quebec`s queen, well she`ll be alone in her kingdom…or impeached. We know damn well Alberta is paying for us and we thank them. Once Marois is out and we put a pro-Canada gov, things will be way better.

  • Nicola Timmerman

    Unfortunately since she is premier of Quebec even in a minority government so she is far from irrelevant! The real joke is that during the election campaign she emphasized her competence and long experience and that her government would hit the ground running. Since then the government has bounced from one mistake to another like a ball in a pinball machine and has had numerous reversals of stated policies and government appointments. But like in the States with Obama’s incompetence the media just notes these missteps and goes on to the next story as if this is all normal.

    Right now there is an Education Summit that is going to happen without parents represented for example and doomed to failure with free tuition off the table so there is nothing left to negotiate with the students (since the government already gave everything else away).

    By the way we had to listen to a BBC interview on Montreal CJAD radio station to hear Marois being interviewed in English since she doesn’t do this in Quebec.

    • http://abearsrant.com thebear

      I live in Quebec and I think she will have difficulty achieving a second term. Quebecers do not like being embarrassed by the foolish mistakes of their politicians. Remember the whiipping they gave the Liberals for AdScam?