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Seeking An Arrangement? Here’s Where You Sell Yourself.

“My current arrangement is wonderful. Unlike other cash strapped students, I am pampered with expensive gifts. My sugar daddy is the sweetest man I know. He is my mentor, my benefactor and my lover.– College sophomore

This quote is taken from a web site called SeekingArrangement.com where young men and women offer themselves to wealthy older people as ‘friends’ in exchange for financial support. The web site is quick to deny any relationship with prostitution but the profiles are rife with references to sex and the financial side of things is none too subtle.

It doesn’t get much more blunt than that. If you’re young and reasonably good looking, you can sell that in exchange for cash and not have to earn your own way through life. It is the logical but cheap extension of the entitlement mentality; the ultimate cheapening of the value of a life.

It makes you wonder what they’re teaching in universities and colleges these days because it clearly isn’t ethics or morality or even self-respect.

It’s life with a price tag. It is life reduced to having no more value than a big screen tv, just one more product to buy or sell. Seekingarrangement. com is merely a version of Wal-Mart where the products are people instead of  televisions and patio furniture.

Seeking Arrangement operates out of Las Vegas but is attracting users world-wide, including here in Canada where university and college students have turned to it as the easy way to finance their education and preferred lifestyle.

Students from Ryerson, U of T, and the University of Ottawa among others are offering themselves and their ‘companionship’ to Sugar Daddies and Mommas in exchange for help with tuition and living costs, along with some pampering. The University of Guelph has the dubious distinction of seeing the fastest rise in Seeking Arrangement users with student membership in the site increasing more than 50% over the past year.

For some time educators and politicians have touted how much more important building self-esteem n students was than accountability or achievement. They used this to justify ‘no zero’ policies and ‘no student left behind’ programs. Seeking Arrangement is the ultimate result, where students have so little self-esteem, they objectify themselves and merely for money.

Seeking Arrangement defines the different categories this way.

Sugar Daddy: The modern sugar daddy is a successful and generous man who is willing to pamper and offer financial help or gifts to a young person in return for friendship and companionship.”

“Wealthy Doctor Seeks Group Arrangement – budget: more than US $20,001 monthly”

Sugar Mommy: The modern sugar mommy or sugar momma is a successful and generous woman who is willing to pamper and offer financial help or gifts to a young person in return for friendship and companionship.”

“You gotta earn it! – Budget: negotiable.”

Sugar Baby: A sugar baby is an attractive, ambitious and goal oriented individual who has a lot to offer. He or she is generally younger and is looking to meet wealthy, successful and generous people who are willing to pamper and offer financial assistance or gifts in return for their friendship or companionship.”

Most, including the web site owner, try to convince themselves that this isn’t organized prostitution but they’re only fooling themselves. Prostitution isn’t just the exchange of sex for money, it’s the turning of a relationship into a commodity and Seeking Arrangement is precisely the same thing.

“Any Sugar Daddy want a piece of this? – Expect: US $1,001 – $3,000 monthly

It’s the expectation that money can buy people for your own pleasure if you have enough cash or can provide a free-ride in life if you’re attractive enough to someone else with a few extra bucks.

Seeking Arrangement isn’t the only site on the web where people sell themselves in exchange for the good life. There are all kinds of them but Seeking Arrangements is one of the most blatant to cater to the idea that relationships are merely a commodity to be bought and sold.

I mentioned this site to Maggie and she thought for a moment and then said,“It never ceases to amaze me that while we’re having dinner or just going about our lives, there’s stuff going on in the world that we never hear about; a diminishing of life that is eroding our social values and basic morality.”

She’s right.

It is also something else. It’s the ultimate expression of buying or selling your way through life to get what you want rather than earning it. It is the trading away of lasting self-respect for momentary benefit and most who cheapen their lives in this way are only deluding themselves into believing it has no impact on how they see themselves or others.

It is the reduction of life to the lowest common denominator — money, honey. I thought we had abolished things like slavery because we believed that a life — all life —  was worth more than that.

You can tell this is true by the simple fact that they hide behind euphemisms for what they’re doing rather than simply admit to themselves that it is a form of prostitution and a fairly cheap form at that.

“Treat me like an angel and I’ll take you to Heaven – Expect: US $1,001 – $3,000 monthly”

Here’s a tip. If you have to lie to yourself about what it is you’re doing because you’re not prepared to call something what it is, it’s whatever is left of your values telling you’re only fooling yourself and not happily.

Here’s a question Sugar Babies might consider: How can you expect others to respect you when you have so little respect for yourself? They won’t ask themselves that question, of course, it takes some sense of ethics to even consider it.

When I first stumbled on this story, my first thought was to wonder if the operators of the web site would be happy to have their sons or daughters market themselves so cheaply. My second thought was that if you’re prepared to sell yourself for trinkets and financial support, you’ve sold your life at a heavily discounted price.

It is virtually impossible to respect the lives of others when you have so little respect for your own and that’s a morality, or lack of it, that leads nowhere but down.

It’s like the young woman says in the quote at the top of the page: “My current arrangement is wonderful. Unlike other cash strapped students, I am pampered with expensive gifts.” You’ll note the impermanence of ‘current relationship’ which pretty much implies that there have been and probably will be others. It is the value of life measured by expensive gifts and being pampered and surely, if there is a life worth living, that would have to be it.

Imagine placing so little value on your own life that you believe it isn’t worth more than baubles and the illusion of success.

“Seeking a Passionate Princess To Pamper & Spoil – Budget: open and negotiable.”

People who sell themselves so cheaply think that because others pay to be with them that they have real value but they’re wrong. They themselves are little more than just one more trinket purchased by the same people who give trinkets to them. When the Sugar Mommas and Daddies become bored with them, they’ll simply buy a new trinket. God knows there  are lots from which to choose and more coming online every day.

One Sugar Daddy currently finances seven female trinkets, or as they prefer to be called, Sugar Babies.

It may not be illegal and it may even be expedient but it is not a life. It is an illusion that doesn’t offer anything other than a momentary delusion of success. It’s life bought and sold cheaply rather than developed and earned.

Even a monkey can be trained to do tricks for a handful of treats.

I wonder how many Sugar Daddies, Mommas and Sugar Babies would encourage their own children to treat themselves with so little respect by selling themselves this cheaply. Perhaps none. Perhaps we’ve reached that point in life where life really doesn’t have much value anymore. Children are bought and sold on the Internet like so much candy and God knows that people are killed as if life was just one big video game — so maybe life really doesn’t have much value to  us anymore. Why not sell it or what we can get?

We used to place a high value on life. We respected the lives of others and measured our own lives by what we could accomplish through our own efforts. These days, we measure them by how much we can get (or take) from others. We bring an entitlement expectation to our governments and now, too many see their own lives as merely something to sell in order to get what they want.

It isn’t nostalgia for the way things used to be that raises my concern. My generation has lived through more change than all of humanity in all of the generations that preceded it. We are the generation that accelerated change with new technologies and the past has no hold on us. But I don’t believe we did it merely so that life itself could be cheapened to the extent that it would become just one more thing to be bought and sold.

I’m no prude. As long as it doesn’t involve small farm animals or dead people, I don’t much care what consenting adults choose to do among themselves but treating people, especially yourself, as just another thing is a line we should have never crossed.

It may be quite comfortable, even clever,  for a  moment but when the baubles and fancy nights out are stripped away; long after the checks have been cashed to pay a few bills, there isn’t much left except what it is – life reduced to nothing more than a transaction and that, my friends, cheapens the value of a life – maybe all of our lives just a little bit more.


© 2012 Maggie’s Bear
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  • Bubba Brown

    Mark 8:36

    • http://abearsrant.com thebear


  • Bubba Brown

    “The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There’s also a negative side.”
    Hunter S. Thomson
    Take out “Music Buisness” insert University and I am thinkin’ kinda says it all.
    In my own life I know if you don’t place any value on yourself other than a monetary or “plastic” neither will anyone else.
    You are simply a commodity, and will be diacarded when a younger or more beautiful version can offer it cheaper sugar daddy will go there.
    Remember the movie
    “What’s it all about Alfie”
    A hooker is a hooker with or without a Degree.
    Sugar baby indeed, what was your Major?
    Cheers Bubba

    • http://abearsrant.com thebear

      There was an old joke that went somewhat along these lines:

      “Would you sleep with me for $1,00,000?”


      “Would you sleep with me for fifty bucks?”

      “Absolutely not, what do you think I am a hooker?”

      “Yes, we’ve established that, we’re just haggling over price now.”

      You’re bang on Bubba, selling yourself diminishes your life to be nothing but a commodity. The price is irrelevant.

  • http://bgulk0.wix.com/raspberry-h-venue gramma Barb

    I am speechless, have nothng more to add to the comments or rant! Money is truely at the root of all evil, unless of course it ‘buys you what you want’ double edged sword , that it is. Maybe society should go back to trading goats or cows in exchange for ‘a commodity’. Perhaps that will help some with the thought (or thoughtless) process. Nothing will ever change because society will never stop glorifying the ‘glitz’ of today. Teaching reapect for ones self is not a high priority.

    • http://abearsrant.com thebear

      One can only begin to wonder how angry these Sugar Babies would be if their parents traded them for ‘benefits.’

  • http://gogreygirl.wordpress.com/ Margie

    My generation fought for women’s liberation. This generation seems to be willing to destroy much of what we gained.

    • http://abearsrant.com thebear

      This generation has confused entitlement for rights and crticizing others for wanting to keep what they’ve earned as greed but demanding some of what they’ve earned as being fair. It’s the entitlement generation where self-respect and respect for others is secondary to getting what you want.

  • WTF

    The ultimate evolution of ‘The Casting Couch’ except that these students (sugar babies) are under the delusion that they are the ones with the power until they get thrown aside by the ones that actually are wielding the power.

  • Nicola Timmerman

    I’m sure this went on before, but now people are shameless about it.

    • http://abearsrant.com thebear

      It’s become systematic now which legitimizes and cheapens the value of a life.

  • dmorris

    I agree with Garret Smith,and to add my own twisted “take” on this, if these people are only valuable while they are young and beautiful, we should endorse assisted suicide for them when they are no longer a valuable commodity.

    Like an over ripe grapefruit or a plum that’s turned to a prune, when the wrinkles come,it’s time for them to leave.

    Bit it HAS been a tradition to sell your children for the sake of monetary gain for a long ,long time. The tradition of powerful families uniting by having their children marry goes back to ancient times,and the matrimonial machinations of the Royal families are even worse than the current crop who will sell their favors for tuition.

    In future years,I look forward to politicians being asked,”how did YOU pay your way through college”?

    There might be some interesting answers.

    • http://abearsrant.com thebear

      You are correct that there have always been those who bought and sold others but society resisted them and eventually overcame things like slavery and the abuse of privilege This is different, this is institutionalizing the devaluing of life; it is the erosion of life’s value for anyone and everyone. It is precisely the undermining of what history has fought for centuries.

  • Garrett Smith

    This is completely unsurprising and no different than marrying for money, being encouraged by the “divorce industry” to get the biggest slice of the pie, and “doing what it takes” in business, or sport, to get ahead. Hello Lance Armstrong, kardashians, Housewives of Miami, Vancouver etc.

    The get ahead and win at all costs mentality perpetrated by media, lawyers, television, and finally, us, is one of the causes for this. It’s easy money, all you have to do is screw someone else over, literally or figuratively. We buy into this by allowing it to go on under the guise of entertainment, and we support it by putting these “successful” celebrities, and sport stars on a pedestal. What did the Kardashians ever do to really make our lives better? Lance Armstrong is one of the biggest cheaters out there and ruined many when they questioned him. Yet he’ll write a book after its all done, and Oprah will celebrate by having him on her ridiculous show.
    You know the people we should be celebrating are the garbage collectors, highway repair people, police, EMS, fire, water and sewer repair, farmers and other hard workers that allow us to blissfully carry on complaining.
    Hockey is back on TV now, so I guess I’ll go watch some highlights after I catch up on the latest in Hollywood…

  • http://abearsrant.com fernstalbert

    The power is in the purse. If this is your ” M O”, then go ahead, enjoy your 15 minutes of fame. I hope these young people are self aware enough to realize that everyone is eventually replaced by a younger, more beautiful, sugar/person – just think of all the money that will go for maintenance rather than education. lol Every year there are new candidates to vie for the limited monetary attention. Its a job and it doesn’t enhance the resume. Cheers.

    • http://abearsrant.com thebear

      The problem with reducing life down to little more than a trinket to be bought or sold is that there are always new trinkets coming into the market. “Stuff” is impermanent and when you treat your life as if it was merely more stuff, it becomes as meaningless and as replaceable as all the other stuff people can buy.

  • old white guy

    i don’t know what to say about that. the girls/women of my generation must wonder what has happened to society, i lnow i wonder.

    • http://abearsrant.com thebear

      I always find it odd that so many are so quick to be afraid of government when it is we ourselves who doing whatever we can to undermine our own lives in every imaginable way possible.