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The Bear’s Letter To Santa Claus

December 20, 2012

Mr. S. Claus
1 North Pole Drive
North Pole, The Arctic
H0H 0H0


Dear Santa

I apologize that this letter is late in getting to you but things have been a bit hectic lately.

I moved the blog to a new domain in October and there was a lot more technical stuff involved than for which I was prepared. Some it, quite frankly, was more than a bit annoying. The new site is coming along but there are still parts of it that seem to have minds of their own which makes me wonder why we can develop smart phones so powerful that they can control the space shuttle but we can’t do simple drag and click with programs like WordPress.

There are days when it all seems as complicated and frustrating as assembling something from Ikea.

I wanted to thank you for the stuff you gave me last year although to be honest, I don’t remember most of it. I know there were some After Eights which I really love. Unfortunately, so does my step-daughter so they didn’t make it to New Year’s Day. The sweaters were quite nice and fit nicely until we got into the After Eights, of course, then they got a little tighter.

I got a chuckle out of the Christmas Tree tie with flashing lights you brought – the first time – ten years ago so maybe you could stop bringing them. I think ten is enough for any wardrobe. Quite honestly, I’ve run out of places to wear them all.

I know Christmas giving isn’t meant to be a competition, so please don’t take this the wrong way but Maggie gave me a new leather Calloway golf bag last year. It didn’t improve my score but because it’s black, I think it’s quite slimming and it does kind of over-shadow the sweater and flashing Christmas tie you brought. I’m just sayin’….

Anyway, I did appreciate and want to thank you for the golf balls, the colourful Frosty the Snowman socks and especially for the gift certificate for five free visits to the Osteoporosis Clinic. Very practical.

I realize now that I should have sent you a letter last year to clarify what I wanted in order to assist you in narrowing down what I might like which is why I decided to write this year. The problem is that I couldn’t think of very much.

Pretty much all I could come up with was a handmade La Patrie Concert CW, a cutaway classical guitar and I appreciate that it’s a touch on the expensive side. I already have a couple of guitars so it really isn’t a priority – more of a ‘nice’ to have than a need to have.

The truth is that I came to the realization that I pretty much have everything in my life that I ever wanted and with no disrespect intended, most of it is just not stuff you brought.

I am married to a remarkable woman who I adore and who completes my life in a way I never thought possible. Between us we have two beautiful and successful daughters, a son-in-law who is a great husband and an even better father and two grandchildren that have changed our lives forever.

We have brothers and sisters, nephews and nieces; all of whom are caring, family-oriented people. Our dog, Jasper, is a bit psychotic and the cat is a genuine pain in the ass but that seems a small price to pay for the life we have.

Maggie and I live in the country. You can see the branches of the thirty and forty foot pine trees, that surround our place, through the window while still lying in bed. Occasionally deer wander through the yard and there is serenity to my life now that even the noise you make coming down the chimney and clomping around the house Christmas Eve can’t disrupt.

I am blessed because we are blessed and to be perfectly honest, I can’t think of much beyond the life I have worth having unless it was perhaps seeing some of what we experience, spread to more people.

Perhaps instead of bringing me another Christmas tie or even After Eights which my step-daughter would only end up eating anyway, you could spread a little more Christmas to others, especially those who are threatened by the mere word.

Perhaps you could help us find ways to reach out and start listening to each other rather than talking over each other the way we too often do now.

I think it would be a very special gift if you could remind us of how to protect our children from the real things that threaten them rather than the trivial things like politically correct language we fiddle around with now. Perhaps you could find a way to remind us that any child is our child and deserves and needs our protection.

If it isn’t too much trouble, perhaps you could help to remind us that we are neighbours, not adversaries and we share the same hopes for our communities and nations even if we have differences on how to achieve them.

Maybe you could spread a little more humour around this year and help to reduce the anger, frustration and fear upon which so many seem focused. It would be nice to see less arguing and bullying and more laughter and ho ho ho on social media and in the world generally. Anything you brought that helped everyone to lighten up a bit and to quit taking themselves so seriously would be great.

It would be really nice if you could help us find better ways to fight poverty and to remind ourselves that those people sleeping in our streets actually are people, just like us. Perhaps you could help us learn to be less judgmental and become more compassionate than we’ve been lately.

Perhaps you could also do something about the divisive polarization in our politics and help all of us strive for a higher standard of integrity and respect for the democratic principles on which our nations are founded. Perhaps you could find a way to remind us that while it’s true that many of our politicians are idiots, not all of them are nor are they enemies of the state and we need to fix government, not fear it.

Most of all, I would really like to see people devote a moment every day to doing just one random act of kindness, no matter how small and if you could find a way to encourage that, it would make this Christmas very special for all of us, not just me.

If you could do all of that and bring along a handmade La Patrie Concert CW – well – that would simply be amazing. But, if I have to choose between one and the other, we can save the guitar for another year. I think the world needs a lot more of the spirit of Christmas throughout the entire year than I need another guitar.

All the best to you, Mrs. Claus and all of the elves and whoever or whatever else you have hanging out with you up there (I’m not fully up to speed on magical beings).

Travel safely Christmas Eve and yes, I’ll leave the rum out again this year for you but please; this year, be a little more careful when you get back in your sleigh and fly off the roof. I only just got the chimney repaired from last year’s mishap when you thought it would be funny to give each of your reindeer a couple of shots of tequila from my liquor cabinet.

By the way, reindeer poop is not as bio-degradable as you think so if you could do what the rest of us do with our pets and poop ‘n’ scoop, it would be appreciated.

Merry Christmas Santa. You really are one jolly old elf. Now if we could only convince all the politically correct Grinches out there of that, we’d be on our way to a better world.


PS: You can skip the doggie tranquilizer treats you brought Jasper last year. I don’t know what’s in them but they wound him up like a top. He likes to pull used Kleenex out of the bathroom waste basket so his own box of facial tissue will keep him happy.

That catnip thing for the cat is no go as well. I’m tired of pulling her down from the top of the Christmas tree after she’s had one. The day Maggie mistook them for Christmas candies; I had to pull both her and the cat down from the tree so, just a mouse toy or something will do nicely this year.

Thanks again.



© 2012 Maggie’s Bear
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