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A Petreaus Public Service Announcement

Revelation of her affair with David Petreaus gives the title of Ms Broadwell’s book a whole new meaning.

The Petraeus affair has consumed the media this past week. No detail is too minute to be revealed, discussed and analyzed. Indeed, it has received far more attention from most of the media than the revelations about what took place in, and after the attack on, Benghazi. The media are even beginning to question the possible relationship it could have to national security.

Apparently the folks at CNN and MSNBC think that national security is at greater risk because of some hootchie koo than it is from terrorists with guns and hand-held rocket launchers. But that’s not really what I came to talk about.

Sex scandals are as old as the invention of Eve. Once we had two genders – bingo – we started having sex scandals. This does not mean that we haven’t had a few same sex scandals too but gays and lesbians tended to be more discrete.

The poster boy for sex scandals was Italy’s former Prime Minister Berlusconi who had a great deal of difficulty deciding which he like better; governing or frolicking. But the good Gnome of Italy is hardly unique.

Former VP candidate John Edwards was nailed for dallying with his videographer. That led to an attempted cover-up that included some hush money for the girlfriend which eventually landed Mr. Edwards facing criminal charges.

Former President Bill Clinton turned the Oval Office into Plato’s Retreat with Monica Lewinski which eventually led to his being impeached although he was able to survive his term in office nonetheless.

And in Canada, former Liberal cabinet minister Francis Fox lost his political career after forging a document to help a woman obtain an abortion back in the days when obtaining an abortion was a bit more complicated than it is today.

Former Conservative Cabinet Minister Maxine Bernier showed up for his swearing in ceremony with his girlfriend  who was wearing a

Former cabinet minister Maxine Bernier and his then girlfriend Julie Couillard

very low cut dress that displayed her ample charms much to the consternation of the media and most of the other women there. Being single, there really was no scandal beyond her dress and the fact that his girlfriend was connected to the Hell’s Angels; a fact that apparently had escaped both Mr. Bernier’s notice and that of the RCMP.

The scandal came the day Max left her apartment without his briefs. He remembered to put on his Jockeys but left his briefcase full of secret briefing notes behind. It is my understanding that in national security circles that is considered a fairly big – Oops! Out of cabinet went Mr. Bernier.

Probably the two stupidest sex scandals I remember in recent history happened right here in Ottawa. At different times, the President of The Board of Trade and one of the worlds’ leading heart surgeons were arrested for trying to pick up street hookers for a little moonlight madness. Unfortunately, in both cases, while they young ladies involved were professionals, they were professional cops and that turned out to be most unfortunate for the two gentlemen involved.

I remember thinking at the time, “What were they thinking?” They both easily could have hired discrete escorts but chose to prowl the downtown streets IN THEIR OWN CARS, to pick up hookers. It did serious damage to the reputation of one and cost the other his six-figure job.

It never ceases to amaze me how often really smart people do really stupid things.

There have been so many of these philandering meanderings that they almost become boring after a bit primarily because the men involved haven’t changed much. They still think with the small head rather than the big one and usually end up with their pants around their ankles as a result.

It’s the women who have changed.

Many of them are bright, professional and independent women who, for whatever reasons, are drawn to the corridors of power. Apparently power is a pretty strong aphrodisiac. Unlike women in days of yore, these women today are not content to be the quite little sex toy hidden in the powerful man’s closet. They’re out there.

Nobody would have found out about General Petraeus peccadillo if it hadn’t been for the fact that his girlfriend wrote threatening emails to another woman she thought was horning in on “her man”. It seems to me when you’re married and fooling around with someone else who’s married, the last thing you want to do is get into a cat fight with yet another person and especially not in writing.

Women today are not content with standing back. When they feel scorned or misused, they strike back. In Arizona, a woman ran over her husband for not voting in the presidential election. Apparently she was quite upset that President Obama won reelection and decided it was her husband’s fault. She chased him around the parking lot in her jeep until she finally caught up to him and pinned him under the wheels. The women in Arizona take their civic responsibility very seriously it seems.

And then, of course, there was Lorena Bobbitt who did the ultimate bobbing. When her husband offended her, she waited until he was asleep and snipped off the offending part of his body and fled the apartment, offending body part still in hand. I remember when that story came out; I sat with my legs crossed for about two weeks after that.

Women aren’t psychos any more than all men are slave to the ‘little man’. But it is clear that the whole sexual dalliance thing has become more dangerous in recent years than in the past. There was a time when having a mistress or a lover was almost de rigueur but it was expected that it would always be discrete.

Not so anymore it seems.

The mighty are falling like trees in a logging camp. Careers, reputations and families are being ravaged because some folks couldn’t keep it in their pants; or more accurately, put it in the wrong pants.

It makes you question their judgment just a tad, doesn’t it?

So Gentlemen. I offer this advice as a public service.

If you can’t keep it in your pants be careful whose pant you put it into. If you’re less than careful or discrete, you could find yourself facing more than an expensive divorce or damage to your career and reputation. As Lorena Bobbitt and our young Republican friend in Arizona demonstrated, you could end up losing your little friend.



With Their Pants Around Their Ankles


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