I just spent thirty minutes on the phone with Sears Canada trying to arrange a service appointment for my John Deere lawn tractor. Making the appointment took about three minutes. The rest of the time was spent by every person to whom I was transferred asking for my phone number, my address and how long my male equipment might be.
I understand that the person who makes the actual appointment needs to know where I live because the service technician is coming to the house but I resent being asked for that information by everyone I speak to before I get to that person and before they even know why I’m calling.
It’s been that kind of day, although I’m probably having a better day than the Conservative party. They received a human foot in the mail today and it makes you wonder a couple of things.
My first thought was that the Conservatives should probably be thankful it wasn’t somebody’s ass that got sent although that would probably be redundant considering the number of asses already in the Conservative caucus.
But, this is a serious matter that does raise some serious questions and we shouldn’t joke about it.
You have to ask yourself who would think of sending a body part by mail to a political party? Even the Mafia only sends a dead fish when they want to deliver a message and they usually have it delivered rather than mailed. The post office is not always the most reliable and the costs for packages sent by mail are horrific these days.
It also begs the question, who donated the foot? Did the sender cut off one of his or her own feet or did they find it lying in a field.
Maybe he or she robbed a cemetery or work in a morgue. Perhaps they work in a funeral home and know that the grieving family won’t miss a foot from grandma who has moved on to her just reward. After all, nobody looks below that half of the casket that is always closed during the wake.
Perhaps, they murdered a Conservative and are sending the parts back bit by bit or maybe they’re medical students who have access to lab cadavers used for research.
The real question though is whether or not this is the only part that’s coming. Perhaps this is the first of many parts to be sent or perhaps it’s the beginning of new protest trend.
If it is the beginning of a new protest trend, it would certainly give new meaning to protesting on foot but the real question is, where will it lead?
Instead of rioting in the streets, will Occupy protesters now cut off a hand or a foot and mail it to Wall Street? Perhaps student protesters will pick a body part that they aren’t using and mail that to the government to support their demands for free tuition. My fear would be that this could lead to a lot of students walking around headless.
And then there is Parliament itself. There is already a fair degree of vitriolic in the House, would this new trend result in Members of Parliament hurling body parts at each other across the aisle instead of just the usual churlish and childish insults? Wouldn’t you just hate to be on the night cleaning staff after one of those debates?
To be honest, I’m less concerned with the fact that a foot has been mailed to the Conservative Headquarters than I am with the fact that somebody actually thought this up. How do you come up with an idea like this? Are you sitting around one day, annoyed and frustrated by what’s going on in government, look down at your feet and say to yourself, “I don’t need both of those.” ?
Maybe the sender is aware that in the Middle East, throwing a slipper at someone is considered an insult and they thought they would like to make a stronger political statement. The scary thought is what body parts are going to get mailed when the debate moves to sexual orientation and related issues and, of course, who’s going to donate those parts?
They certainly can’t have mine, I’m not finished with them yet.
Whatever and whoever is behind this, the matter has been turned over to the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, Canada’s finest. I am quite certain they are looking for someone with a decided limp caused by being a foot shorter, so to speak and there’s no doubt the RCMP will get their man….or woman. They’re good at stuff like this and besides, they have already caught part of the perpetrator, they just need to round up the rest of his or her body to close the case.
But here’s the thing. When people start mailing body parts to others in order to express their outrage or political opinion or just to say I love you, it is a fairly strong indication that the world has gone mad. It tends to prove that old adage that if you give them an inch they’ll only end up giving you a foot in return. It’s probably too late to do anything about that now but on the bright side….
….one thing you can say about email is that it’s pretty hard to attach a body part to it before you hit send.
And that, my friends, is just one more advantage of email over the post office. Ain’t technology grand?
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