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The Reality Of What Will Happen If Marijuana Is Legalized

There is a growing movement in most democratic countries to legalize, or at the very least, decriminalize marijuana use. It is being pushed by the progressive left and this is why I think it is a bad idea.

Progressives tend to cite things like the fact that marijuana is a reasonably benign drug, not much different from alcohol or nicotine. Others talk about its medicinal properties in dealing with chronic pain and diseases like glaucoma. Still others dismiss the idea of charging people with a crime for the recreational use of marijuana as just one more absurd and failed part of the war on drugs.

Those opposed to legalizing marijuana talk about it being a ‘gateway’ drug that eventually leads users to harder, more dangerous drugs like crack cocaine. Some talk about safety issues related to things like smoking marijuana while driving while others decry what they see as the road to addiction.

The arguments for and against are many and varied but there is one issue related to legalization that I believe has been overlooked and which is far more serious than any mentioned above.

I believe this is what will happen if we rush into legalization of marijuana without serious and informed debate and consideration.The government will do what government always does. It will tax and regulate the fun right out of it.

First, the government will create standardized packaging regulations with appropriate labeling in both official languages. Regulations will be drafted to establish size of brand name, product information and where safety labeling must appear.

Almost immediately, the government will also add an excise tax to every pack, provincial (state) governments will add sales taxes and in Canada, GST (goods and services tax) will be charged on top of it all. This will increase the cost of marijuana by approximately 300% as it has for cigarettes.

Agriculture Canada will establish standards for how marijuana can cultivated. A marketing board will be established to control pricing both in Canada and its export markets and to establish grade standards. This will result in monopolization of distribution and artificial inflation of pricing as it has done for milk and wheat. Quotas will be established and sold to growers, further driving up the cost of cultivation.

Health Canada will demand health warning labels complete with pictures, similar to those they demand be included on cigarette packages. The only real difference is that the marijuana pictures will be of people freaking out as they search frantically for chocolate chip cookies and potato chips after smoking a joint rather than the picture of a cancerous lung they demand on cigarette packaging.

Municipalities will ban smoking of marijuana in public parks and on restaurant patios as they have done with cigarettes in many cities and a non-marijuana smokers association will be formed and immediately apply for government funding to support its operation. They will demand more legislation to limit public smoking of weed and spend thousands of tax payer dollars on pamphlets, brochures and conferences to condemn marijuana smokers.

Companies like Sara Lee and Betty Crocker will develop marijuana brownies causing the Agriculture Department to send in food inspectors to ensure that both the production facilities and the product itself meet new standards set by the new legislation. Activists will alternately protest the intrusion into the production of marijuana food products and the need for more food inspectors.Health food activists will protest stores that refuse to sell organic marijuana brownies.

Health Canada will require the publishing of nutritional information on the side of packaging and PTA organizations will form committees to develop guidelines to prevent kindergarten children from bringing the wrong brownies in their lunches.

Major food distribution companies will produce generic versions of the brownies, undercutting the brand-names’ market share and the frozen food section of most stores will be cluttered with confusing packages of marijuana brownies and other goodies developed by the food industry.

Some stoners will injure themselves as they try to smoke the brownies resulting in increased hospital wait times as they clog hospital emergency rooms waiting for treatment.

Online, scammers will buy regular brownies at discount prices and sell them to the unwary as marijuana brownies. Thousands will be ripped off.

Eventually activists will protest marijuana. Environmentalists will protest against the use of land for marijuana farms instead of using the land for more wind turbines and they will insist that only organic marijuana is environmentally sustainable. University campuses will be aflame with protest that marijuana is not permitted in the classroom and the cost is not subsidized by government.

AdBusters will protest the commercialization of Mother Nature and Occupy will try to put tents up in marijuana manufacturing plants.

A new activist group will emerge. People Against Weed (PAW) will form and begin a concerted campaign to ban marijuana. This will not be the same people as those currently opposed to legalizing marijuana. PAW will be formed by former ant-smoking activists running out of smokers to harass. They will apply for, and receive, more government grants to fund their new signs for their old offices and to continue paying the salaries of an Executive Director and support staff. They will implement fund-raising campaigns to support promotional efforts lobbying governments and to compete with the environmentalists group that believes marijuana ruins the beauty of their wind farms.

Simultaneously a new movement will be formed to legalize Hashish or Hash as it is known. This will initially lead to more confrontation and protest as some will confuse the movement with an attempt to legalize cornbeef hash which they thought was already legal. PETA will protest believing hash (the cornbeef kind) is cruel to animals. Radical Islam will protest calling legalization of hashish an insult to their religion and suicide bombers will attempt to blow up hookah manufacturing plants.

In the end, it will cost taxpayers millions to keep so many employed to maintain the new industry that was created and the regulations and NGOs that will need to be staffed and funded.

There will political division, confrontation and strife throughout the kingdom. Anonymous will be angry but won’t know who to hack or will be too stoned to work the mouse and keyboard effectively.

PAW will lobby provincial and federal governments for new laws restricting the use of marijuana in various public locations. Cities will protest that the other levels of government are intruding on their jurisdiction,. Eventually, PAW will be successful at getting government to ban marijuana from rock concerts which will cause many top-name bands to refuse to play concerts in the country.

Marijuana will fall out of favour; more and more people will quit smoking resulting in declining ticket sales which will undermine the marijuana farming industry. Enforcement officers for Agriculture Canada and Health Canada Inspectors will be laid off. Some farmers will go bankrupt or be forced to sell their land to real estate developers and then retire to a small out of the way trailer park in Florida where they will live out their remaining days in bitterness listening to old Grateful Dead albums..

With fewer farmers growing good weed, the market will become unstable, prices will fluctuate and tax revenues will fall causing the government to raise taxes even higher on a 20 pack of joints. Income taxes will rise to offset the lost consumption tax revenue from marijuana sales causing yet more protests in the streets.Political parties will attempt to capitalize on both sides of the issue further dividing and polarizing the electorate.

Eventually, all of the fun of tokin’ with a few friends will be lost as marijuana users stand shivering outside in winter where the smokers used to stand. Rock concerts will become drab dreary affairs featuring Barry Manilow and Michael Bolton or second rate bands that even your mother will enjoy.

And all of this will happen because of the legalization of marijuanaSo a warning to all the sons and daughters of Mother Nature. Be careful what you wish for, it just might come true. If you like weed, before you rush into causing your government to legalize it, stop and consider what legalization has done for other recreational products like cigarettes.

Although, come to think of it, legalizing cigarettes did more to reduce smoking than all of the law enforcement efforts combined have achieved in reducing illegal drugs. It certainly was more effective at reducing smoking than the old British custom of cutting off the noses of smokers.

And in the end, maybe that’s all that’s needed to reduce drug use. Forget the expensive and ineffective War On Drugs. Legalize them and then let the bureaucrats take over. They ought to have drug use down by 70% within a decade.And that, my friends, is the real problem with legalizing marijuana. Progressive left-leaning governments that have advocated legalization for years will tax and regulate the fun right out of it. Taxes and regulation are pretty much the only two things progressive governments at which governments are very good.


© 2012 Maggie’s Bear
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  • Jay Five

    I follow you on Twitter and always enjoy your tweets. Now, I find that I enjoy your blog as well. I agree with what you’ve written here. I don’t have a dog in the legalization fight, and while I do think people who smoke should not be criminalized, I also think many of them are deluding themselves when they talk purely about the wonders of marijuana. In the end, to each their own.

    • MaggiesBear

      I’m not opposed to legalization, I’m opposed to what government does every time it touches something. The move to balance the rights of smokers and non-smokers became an absurd war of intolerance, interference and over-regulation which led to animosity and smuggling. It has also led to hypocrisy with government opposing the smoking of cigarettes but funding safe-inhalation facilities for the smoking of crack and as Liberal Leadership Candidate Joyce Murray said last year; legalizing marijuana so it could be taxed.

      Wait until you see how government deals with obesity.

  • Wandering Mind

    Top Ten post.

    Now I’m putting in a request- a discussion on the pros and cons of over the counter psychotropic drugs- Prozac, Zoloft, Abilify, Zyprexa.and so on.

    A mention of paper slippers, open back gowns and shuffling in counterclockwise direction would be appreciated. Observations can be taken from Congress and Parliament.

    • MaggiesBear

      I believe you may be on to something. Perhaps things would improve if we added prozac to the Parliamentary water supply.

  • Pingback: Legalizing Marijuana And Gay Marriage – So Now What Do You Want To Do? | A Bear's Rant()

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/01205187684027341520 Kathy Russell


    • http://www.blogger.com/profile/16123459288721211812 Bear


  • Anonymous

    Well, they can grow it right up to the posts on wind farms, according to the Northeast project planned in NE North Carolina.

    But I would fear that they’d pesticide it (even though it reportedly grows well without it) then they’d manipulate it and make it toxic.

    Then again the alternative is using the law to throw otherwise law-abiding people in jail.

    so it MUST be decriminalized.

    Certainly everyone who wants to should be allowed to grow it and not have to get the seeds from MOnsanto – GOD FORBID!

    But the remark that it’s easy to get – or even the seeds is just not true – not where I be.

    • http://www.blogger.com/profile/16123459288721211812 Bear

      Life was a lot easier before government decided to intervene and make things simpler for us.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/18295639538422789937 SJ Lammers

    Greets from holland the dutchies knows all about it ha no war make love.Kindly Regards stefan

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/04092923024550514493 Johann Suarez

    Hmm I like this blog. ☺

    • http://www.blogger.com/profile/16123459288721211812 Bear

      I appreciate that and the fact that you took the tine to drop by. I hope you will return often.

  • Anonymous

    Great Post!!…and the comments above almost had me crying with laughter. I like your style, Bear. Thank You for posting this. You make it a great day!!


  • Anonymous

    Hmmm…Shortbread Cookies with Canabus Sprinkles…delicious prescription for arthritis pain. Or chocolate chips cookies with marajuana crispies to ease grumpiness in old bears…

    • http://www.blogger.com/profile/16123459288721211812 Bear

      If we’re talking weed, it must be brownies. I’m a traditionalist.

  • Anonymous

    Your best blog entry ever! The Distinguished Fellows of the Academy. Distinguishedfellows.com

    • http://www.blogger.com/profile/16123459288721211812 Bear

      I am flattered by your praise. Thank you.

  • Anonymous

    Hilarious article… For the record, even if pot does decrease IQ, that shouldn’t stop us from decriminalizing. Let natural selection take over…

    • http://www.blogger.com/profile/16123459288721211812 Bear

      I’m thinking that a few joints passed around Parliament might just improve things. Wouldn’t you just love to see Stephen Harper and Vic Toews doing some weed with Bob Rae and Nicole Turmel?

  • Joel Kimball

    I saw you followed me on Twitter, took a quick look at your posts, saw this, thought, “Against legalization? Am I interested in following this guy?” Lulz ensued.

    Well done!

    *follow back*

    • http://www.blogger.com/profile/16123459288721211812 Bear

      Thank you. I follow people randomly that I think may be interesting. I don’t always get it right but I’m happy to have connected with you.

  • Anonymous

    Satire or eery premonition? Let’s see…

    First, Dickensian: Grinding poverty, corruption and social injustice? Check

    Second, Orwellian: Big Brother is watching? Check

    Finally, Bearsian: Self-defeating bureaucracy, politicians and others from the shallows of the gene pool? Check

    I am sending you a virtual jar of honey, Bear. Positive reinforcement? Check


    • http://www.blogger.com/profile/16123459288721211812 Bear

      Chocolate chip cookies would prove more effective than honey.

  • Anonymous

    Sometimes Satire is also “a” truth but not “the” truth.

    • http://www.blogger.com/profile/16123459288721211812 Bear

      Satire is the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize the stupidity of people, groups or organizations, including government.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/09274319987240334778 Aftermath

    LOL…I believe “Anonymous WOW” could use a good reefer or a brownie or two…omg, lighten up and pass the doobie.

    As always, love your ‘tongue-in-cheek’ blogs…great way to start a day :) Thanks Sunshine!

    • http://www.blogger.com/profile/16123459288721211812 Bear

      I’ve always tended to believe that grass was a relatively benign form of recreation and that there was no causal relationship between smoking weed and stupidity. Now I’m not so sure.

      There has been a general increase in the casual use of marijuana and a significant drop in the IQ of the general society. It may be a coincidence but based on the conment above and others I’ve received by email or on Twitter, I’m beinning to think I may need to revise my opinion. :-)

  • Anonymous

    Eff ’em if they can’t take a joke. LOL, at the bitching in response to this high-larious piece.

    • Anonymous

      Jerry Sprimger? Never heard of him… Learn to spell before you start calling out at others’ stupidity.

    • http://www.blogger.com/profile/16123459288721211812 Bear

      When I see stupidity like the comment above it reminds me of why programs like the Jerry Springer Show are so successful amd our democracies are in such a mess.

    • http://www.blogger.com/profile/16123459288721211812 Bear

      As you can see, I’ve corrected the spelling of the word Springer, thanks for pointing it out. How are you making out on learning the meaning of satire?

  • Anonymous

    Wow! That’s a lot of assumptions not based on any facts stated in the article. What research do you have to prove that Canada will be in control of all countries? Do you have documentation that suggests what pricing will be? I should warn you that there are a LOT of people out there armed with much information that would dis-agree with you.

    • http://www.blogger.com/profile/16123459288721211812 Bear

      I strongly suggest you look up the definition of the word ‘satire’ in any decent English dictionary. Then I think you should consider devoting a good part of the rest of your life to developing a sense of humour. This piece is a satirical comment on how government operates. If you are having trouble getting it, have a friend with an IQ read the piece and then explain it to you.

      • red_06tweet

        OMG, you just can’t help yourself, even your responses are worthy of Favoriting…will be saving it and using it later…Love to read your writing…give your wife a hug, she is special!

        • MaggiesBear

          My wife is very patient. :-)

    • http://therantvault.wordpress.com/ therantvault


  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/15537437305715663729 Hello Birdy

    I believe that what most people want is a simple decriminalization of the plant and to be left alone with their bag of Doritos.

    I also believe that pot will not be legalized … this is nothing but leftist politicians trying gain the favor of the pot crowd in the hopes that they will vote …. you know … get off the couch, turn off the gamer machine or TV and figure out how to find out where they have to go to vote, but then ….. roll up another doobie and sit back down … or simply forget why it was they got up the first place.

    Meanwhile, pot is easy to produce and there is no shortage of people who will continue to produce it for fun and profit on a small scale ….

    • http://www.blogger.com/profile/16123459288721211812 Bear

      You’re probably right.

    • Lakewood Bob

      I commented here because I also agree in decriminalization. We have gone from ‘The Rule of Law’ to being “Ruled by Laws’! Government oppression is a serious problem and must be reversed. Kids today can’t even have a Lemonade Stand. Foolish! I think Groucho Marx had some insight into the problem:

      “Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the wrong remedies.” – Groucho Marx

      “The only purpose for which power can be rightfully exercised over any member of a civilized community, against his will, is to prevent harm to others. His own good, either physical or moral, is not a sufficient warrant.” — John Stuart Mill, “On Liberty” 1859

      Our Liberties are definitely at risk, and unfortunately, I believe the best remedy is to repeal the 19th Amendment! There is a lot of truth in your satire! Cheers!

    • http://www.blogger.com/profile/16123459288721211812 Bear

      Government is the art of complexity and their is considerable expense in complexity. Politics is the art of justifying one’s existence and that has led to politicians passing laws that restrain us in ridiculous ways. Both interfere with our individual and collective freedoms.